25. Cultural Confusion

Tonight’s story starts with me being called to a dorm at the University. It is rush week and so I am paranoid about the ride I will be picking up. I’m picturing drunk sorority or fraternity people going out to haze their pledges on a Friday night.

I found myself having to weave and dodge between hundreds of young ladies all wearing dresses, very short dresses, and high heels. An earlier passenger had explained to me that there were a lot of females out there trying to join a sorority and the whole short dress/high heel thing was one of the things they had to do. I thought that really sucked today because it had been pouring rain most of the afternoon and the shoes these women were wearing were all open toed. Serves them right for wearing open toed shoes, though.

The young lady I picked up at the dorm, though, was not pledging any sorority. She was wearing a head scarf and was looking at all the girls around her with a confused look. When she got into the car, she asked me if I knew what was going on. I told her this was some sort of pledge activity. She didn’t know what that meant. I told her it had to do with fraternities and sororities. She was not sure of the whole idea of the Greek system, and she asked me if it was necessary to be in a sorority or fraternity to be in this college. I tried to explain to her that it was not, and that being in a fraternity or sorority meant that you were part of a bigger organization with chapters across the country at different colleges… it got confusing. I really couldn’t explain it well.

She said that this was not something she had where she was from. She asked me if this was some sort of dating ritual. A way for men and women to meet. I told her sometimes that happens but not always... she told me that she had been to an event of this sort when she attended UT Austin and said that it was in a big fancy house, fancier than the ones here. Everyone was very dressed up and you could only attend if invited. They even had bodyguards stationed at the doors to prevent people without invitations to come into the house. It was all very extravagant to her… all this for a date. She was not accustomed to it.

She said that some people she had met had asked her about dating in her culture. At this point, I finally asked where she was from. I believed she was middle eastern but not sure exactly from where. She said she was from Saudi Arabia. I smiled and nodded and didn’t say anything.

She told me that people asked her how dating was in Saudi Arabia. Since they’re not allowed to drink and they can’t go to bars, how do they go on dates? She told them that dating is not a common thing in her culture but for those who want to go on a date, they can go to restaurants or coffee shops. 

It was at this point that I told her that I had spent a little time in the Middle East when I was younger. I asked her where she was from in Saudi Arabia, and she said she was from Jeddah, which is on the Red Sea. She asked me where I had lived while I loved there, and I told her that I was on the other side of the country by the Persian Gulf. She asked me if it was Dammam. I was impressed by her asking this because where I had lived was not far from Dammam. I told her it was a place called Abqaiq. She had heard of it.

She wondered why I had lived there, and I told her my father was a mechanical engineer, who worked in oil fields and so I have lived around the world in many oil countries. She was impressed because she said all of the people that she had encountered who had been to Saudi Arabia were all in the military and I was the first who wasn’t.

I told her my father worked for a company called Aramco. She lit up. She told me that Aramco was her sponsor and paying for her college. She was here getting a degree in geology studies. After she graduated, she would return to Saudi Arabia and work for Aramco in Dhahran, because that’s where the hub of their geology studies was located. We then talked about the other Aramco compounds and such and I told her that I’m sure a lot has changed since I lived there. 

She asked me where else I had lived in the world. I told her that I had lived in the Netherlands, Indonesia, Brunei, Hawaii, and a number of cities across the United States.

She then wanted my opinion about the differences between Saudi Arabia and the United States and which I preferred. I told her that I had enjoyed my time in Saudi Arabia but if I had to choose, I would pick the United States.

She commented about what Americans call “freedom“ and how it didn’t always seem completely free to her. For one, she said she felt much safer living in Saudi Arabia. I agreed with her. Crime was not an issue in Saudi Arabia as it was here. You didn’t find the countless homeless people, or the rampant poverty or the scores of drug users on any street corner in any city in Saudi Arabia.

She then asked me if other American cities were safer than this one. I told her that I thought the city was one of the safer big cities to live in in the United States. She was astounded.

She wondered if it was safe for her to go out with people she did not know or to go out alone. I told her that everyone needs to gauge how safe they feel for themselves and be smart about every situation. I told her, personally, I am not afraid to go most places alone, but I am also a man of a decent size who is not easily intimidated, and most people won’t try to mess with me.

She told me she had been to New Orleans, and it was a very scary experience. She felt accosted by people on almost every street. She was supposed to stay there for a week but left after two days because she felt it was too dangerous.

I told her that was too bad, and yes, there are dangerous things out there but if you keep your eye out and stay in public places. I knew that she didn’t feel any threat while she was living in Saudi Arabia, but that the rest of the world was different. It wasn’t just the United States, but if you were not careful almost everywhere, you could find yourself in trouble. You have to watch out and make sure you’re not putting yourself in a dangerous position. She reiterated that this was never really a problem for her in Saudi Arabia.

She said she knew what people thought of her country and its culture one of the things that surprised her is how everybody thought that everyone who lived in Saudi Arabia must be millionaires and billionaires. She would have to explain to them that there was a certain class system where there were the rich people, but they were also the poor people, like the bedouins.

She asked me about how it was living in the cities I had lived in such as San Francisco and Los Angeles, and if they were dangerous. I said they could be if you’re not careful. This was all very strange to her.

I could have gone into the downsides of living in Saudi Arabia, but I wasn’t looking to create a culture clash. And I wanted to hear a woman’s perspective of living there and what is important to her. We tend to criticize the Saudis for the way they treat women and their strict policies and religious beliefs. While many of them seem barbaric and backwards to us, the people who live there may not feel it is as horrible as we perceive it to be. Her biggest concern was feeling safe. She may not be able to do a lot of things that American women can do, but she never worries about walking down any street, either.

She asked me if I drove full-time. I told her no, that I was also a writer, trying to write that book that would be a best-seller. She said I should write about all the places I lived and tell the stories of the stories of the people I have met throughout my life in all the various countries in cities. She said that would be a book she would read. She got out of the car, and I said, “shukran” (Arabic for “thank you”) to her and caught her a little off guard. She giggled and said “shukran” back to me and then corrected herself and said “afwan”!

 

She then quickly walked into the hotel I had dropped her off at and I could see her giggling the whole way in.

 

I wonder if she realized she would become one of my stories for that possible book. If I ever do write it, I hope she does read it and realizes that she was one of the inspirations for me.