18. Her Dream is to Beat the Shit Out of Someone

I was called to a country western establishment that I have picked up passengers on a number of occasions called “The Maverick”. I picked up a couple of older women who had been at a male revue there last week. I am often called there to pick up country fans of a younger age, mostly in their early 20s. And today is $1 beer night to lure the college kids returning to campus so I’m expecting drunken revelry.

 

This call was no exception.

 

I picked up a young lady who was extremely inebriated and was poured into the car by her friends. They begged her to text them when she was dropped off. She promised she would with a slurred bow and then flopped into the backseat of my car.

 

As we drove away, she made a call. I thought it was too early to be texting them. She started to talk and slur into her phone. I guessed it was a boyfriend living far away now because she missed him so much and she was so sad he wasn’t with her.

 

She was going to the university here and he was either going to college somewhere else or maybe just living wherever they were from because he didn’t seem too smart from his responses.

 

He was on the couch sleeping because it was too hot to sleep upstairs in his room, and the AC didn’t go up there, yada, yada. She really wanted him to go up to his room so they could FaceTime better.

 

She kept going on drunkenly telling him how she had such a crush on him. He would reply, hesitantly, that he had a crush on her as well. She kept saying she missed him, and he would reply, always after a pause, that he missed her, too.

 

This eventually elevated to the point where she said that she was his girlfriend, and she said that he was her boyfriend. She asked him to say it back and he stalled.

 

She asked him again and he said, “I said it!”

 

He hadn’t, but he had said he agreed with her… but he hadn’t really said it.

 

So, she kept pressing and he kept stalling and finally after a few minutes of hemming and hawing, he acquiesced, and told her that she was his girlfriend. She laughed out loud and told him to say it again and say that he was her boyfriend.

 

After a few more minutes of her goading him on, he finally said, “I am your boyfriend”.

 

She then told him, “I am so in love with you!”, which he replied to with silence.

 

She changed the subject after this pause. She said she really wished someone would push her buttons because she really wanted to kick someone’s ass. She wanted him to be there to see it. She wanted him to see that she can handle herself against anyone who crosses her and kick their ass.

 

She then described how she has wanted to do this all her life, to beat the hell out of somebody in front of her boyfriend, to pulverize and destroy someone. This is something she has desired all her life: to prove to a boyfriend that she could stick up for herself and him if it was necessary.

 

He nervously laughed in response and told her that it “wasn’t necessary baby”.

 

She reiterated that it was something that she has wanted to do all her life and she thought that it was absolutely necessary. She continued to explain how she really, really wanted to beat the hell out of somebody to the point they would end up in the hospital.

 

There was a moment of pause, and then she then reminded him how much she loved him.

 

He replied nervously, “I love you, too, baby…” this time with no pause.

 

He then asked her how far she was from her dorm. She told him that she wasn’t too far.

 

She asked him if he wanted her to FaceTime him when she got into her apartment and give him a show.

He answered, “Yes, please FaceTime me when you get there. If I don’t answer, I might be asleep.”

 

She drunkenly replied (and with a little attitude) “You had better not be sleeping.”

 

She hung up on him and flopped onto the backseat with a laugh.

 

The song “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow came on, and she drunkenly shot up and said “Great song!”

 

She then started singing along to it at the top of her voice.

 

“I've been waiting on you for a long time, fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine, I ain't heard from you in THREE DAMN NIGHTS!”

 

I pulled up to her dormitory and told her we were at her destination. She thanked me for the ride and then, with drunken sincerity she said, “I love you.”

 

 I turned around and looked at her and made awkward eye contact and smiled fearfully. “Please don’t make me your lifelong wish…” I thought.

 

She looked at me and then leaned over and looked in the front passenger seat and realized it was just her and me in the car. She said she thought her friend had come with her and laughed and apologized to me. She was very sorry about loving me and then stumbled out of the car. She kept apologizing to me and laughed as she walked away.

 

I reminded her to text her friends that she made it home safe. I watched her go into her dorm and disappear from my sight.

 

I hope that boyfriend of hers is awake if she tries to FaceTime him when she gets into her apartment.

 

Or else he might become the person of her lifelong desire to beat someone’s ass.