12. We Need Less Kyles

Which story should I tell tonight?

 

The one where I picked up the man with extensive body odor (thank you again Lysol) who went on to tell me that he would drive ride share if he got to carry his gun because there are people in every job that threaten workers and it’s his right to defend himself… if it wasn’t for the liberals who throw a fit when a God fearin’ citizen tries to! Then he went on to tell me about how he thought former President T wasn’t so bad. I stayed quiet that ride.

 

Or how about the two ladies I picked up from the male revue? The one lady talked about how she was the star of the show and how the strippers all loved her and brought her onto the stage twice and how she gave them so much money. She talked and talked and talked for 15 minutes straight about how good a time she had and how those men loved her so much and then finally ran out of breath and asked her friend if she had a good time. The friend then replied, “It’s just all about you, isn’t it?” To which the lady said “Fuck you! No one has ever talked about to me like that ever in my life yada yada yada fuck you fuck you fuck you”, and that went on for the rest of the ride, which was another 20 minutes. Apparently, she had also borrowed $80 from her friend to give to the strippers but swore she’d pay it back and just didn’t know she’d need that much cash. Their friendship was over by the end of the ride. Oh, well.

 

No, I want to tell you about a different ride.

 

It was actually my first ride of the night.

 

I picked up four guys at their apartment complex who were off to play some pool. The guy who had made the call sat in the passenger seat while the other three sat in the backseat. The ride started off casual as the guys in the backseat were tossing insults at each other on who would be playing the worst game of pool.

 

Then one guy, we’ll call him “Kyle”, called another guy gay.

 

The other guy responded with “I’m not gay!”

 

Then “Kyle” turned it up a level and said, “You’re the gayest!”

 

I kept quiet and didn’t say anything.

 

Kyle then said to his friend, “You’re just a big faggot!”

 

 I decided to speak up. I should have just kicked them to the curb but I couldn’t help myself.

 

I said, “He’s not the gayest one in here. I am.”

 

Kyle decided to keep going and said, “Oh, so, you’re a faggot, huh?”

 

I replied “What if I was, Kyle?”

 

He then asked, “Well, would you rather sit on a cake and eat a dick or sit on a dick and eat a cake?”

 

I don’t know what that had to do with anything and he repeated the question.

 

I replied, “You tell me, Kyle, because in either scenario you would either eat a dick or sit on a dick… which do you prefer?”

 

He got all flustered and said “Well, I’m not a faggot so I don’t have to make that choice!”

 

I said, “You asked the question. I figure it was your choice. You seem very insecure in your sexuality.”

 

Yes, I should have said nothing. I should have just kicked them out onto the side of the road at the beginning. I should have reported them. The guy who called for the ride didn’t say anything. That was part of the problem for me. At one point, I had given him some side eye and I thought “maybe you need to tell your friend to be quiet.” But he said and did nothing as “Kyle” went on.

 

“Kyle” then pointed out to me that at least he wasn’t ever going to be a loser faggot having to drive share when he was my age. I was ready to turn around and punch him square in the face. But we were close to their drop off point and I got a request for another ride. I dropped them off and went off to the other ride.

 

All the while, I was steaming. I couldn’t get that smug shit out of my head. I drove the passenger to his destination and then turned off the app. I went back to the pool hall and found the table the four guys were at.

 

One of them looked at me and said “Hey, it’s our driver!” with a laugh. He was the one in the backseat who had kept his mouth shut.

 

I told him I’d like to speak to the man who made the ride. He pointed me to the guy who was sitting in the passenger seat next to me. I told him I was going to need to report him to because his friend violated passenger policies. “Kyle” had used derogatory language, homophobic statements, and even personally insulted me with the “I won’t have to be a driver bullshit” and that he thought he was better than me because of it.

 

As I was talking to the man, “Kyle” came up to me and said “You have a problem? He didn’t do anything… you got a problem with me, you take it up with me.”

 

“I am talking to your friend,” I said. “so you can back off.”

 

But “Kyle” did not want to back off. “Kyle” wanted to get into my face. “Kyle” repeated his mantra of how it wasn’t his friend’s fault and if I wanted to make a deal of it to deal with him.

 

Now, if anybody knows me, my flight or flight response doesn’t quite work. At least the flight part of it does not. I have a problem walking away from conflict. I take meds for it but they don’t always work.

 

I told “Kyle” that if he wanted to start something, I would be with him in a moment, but I was talking to the man who made the ride because he is responsible for all actions that him or his companions do during that ride.

 

“Kyle” kept saying his friend didn’t do anything wrong and that he was responsible so I should be dealing directly with him. He kept getting closer and closer and I waited for him to even slightly bump me.

 

I reminded “Kyle” that he didn’t make the ride but his friend did and so he’s responsible for all that happens during the ride. I told “Kyle” I was sorry if he didn’t seem to understand the concept of being responsible, especially as it was his actions that had gotten his friend in trouble and he should have thought of that before.

 

Well, “Kyle” reiterated that it wasn’t the friend, but it was him and so if I had an issue, I should take it up with “Kyle”  and he would take responsibility for it.

 

I said, “I can’t really take it up with you ‘Kyle’ because you didn’t make the ride, so I don’t have your information to report.” But I did have his friend’s info.

 

“Kyle” still wanted to me to take him on and leave his friend out of it and got so close… I looked him in the eyes and smiled.

 

At that point, one of the other friends pulled “Kyle” away from me. The two others asked me if we could walk to the side and talk.

 

I walked with them, and I explained to them that I wasn’t looking to report the person who called the ride, but he should’ve put a muzzle on his friend. The man who had sat so quietly in the passenger seat apologized and said that I was right and he should have stopped him and that if I wanted to report him, he was willing to take responsibility for what had happened.

 

At that point “Kyle” and the other guy (the one he thought was the gayest) were talking to one of the employees who worked at the pool hall about me. She came over to us and asked me to leave because I was apparently starting something. I explained the situation to her and said that I was talking to this gentleman when “Kyle” wanted to get into my face.

 

I told her that I was done, and I was ready to leave. I was not looking to start anything. The lady let me explain my side of the situation, and the two guys I had been talking to backed me up and apologized. She said that the boys had already been there for about 45 minutes and have been drinking but hadn’t done anything, so I would have to leave. I told her that was fine, and I apologized if I caused any trouble for her. The guy who made the ride apologized again and both of the guys shook hands with me.

 

As we walked off, the young lady who worked there was walking with me as I was heading out and said “Hey, look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to look like I’m escorting you out of the pool hall. That guy was an asshole.” I told her it was fine. I then asked her to continue to walk with me walk me all the way out of the door. Told her it might make “Kyle” feel like a man that he got me kicked out and chill him out so he didn’t cause any more issues.

 

When we got outside, she asked me what had happened. I told her the story. At the end, she said she was very sorry that things like that still happen in this day and age and that assholes like that still walk the streets. I thanked her for her sympathy. She told me her name and told me to come back for a free game. We shook hands and I told her that if nobody speaks up when things like this happen, then they will continue to happen.

 

She said, “Next time, come to me at the bar first and I will help you deal with them.”

 

I told her that she was absolutely what I should’ve done. She then hugged me and said goodbye and I was on my way.

 

It took me about an hour to calm down. I parked in a parking lot and tried to calm down. I am tired of the “Kyle’s” of the world.

 

When I finally felt cooled off enough to hit the road, my first ride was a server from a local tiki bar. we’ll call her “Tammy”.

 

I picked “Tammy” up and as we started off, she asked me how my night was. I told her my last ride was a nightmare. She said she was sorry to hear that, and she had some pretty shitty customers that night as well.

 

We talked about how people treat workers in the service industry like indentured servants even as these people are doing a job that involves helping others do something that the person cannot do for themselves for some reason.

 

 At the end of the ride, I felt a lot better talking with “Tammy”. It was good to have someone who related to dealing with assholes. As she got out, “Tammy” tipped me with a $10 bill. She told me to come by the bar one day and she would serve me one of her tiki drinks.

 

I am definitely going to take “Tammy” up on that and give her a healthy gratuity.

 

The world needs a lot more “Tammys” and no more “Kyles”.