57. Three for the road

When I work during the days, I tend to pick up a lot of older folks. They often need rides to medical appointments or from medical appointments, or to get some shopping done and so forth. Things they can no longer drive on their own and so they have found the magic of ride sharing. They are generally nice, gracious folks, and I don’t mind driving them.

For today’s rideshare, I will tell you about three such rides that I gave today. 

The first was an older woman who, when I pulled up, I saw was going to need some help. She had a walker and a cane, and looked very unstable. 

I got out of the car and helped put her walker in the back of the car and then opened the back door for her to get in the car. 

She saw my cane in the front seat and asked if I had physical problems. I told her that sometimes I needed the cane for balance. I didn’t want to get into any details about my ailments. I feel it might make riders uncomfortable and so unusually tell them that I have a bad left knee. 

She told me that she had just had hip surgery and was relearning to walk. I found that pretty incredible at her age. I know a lot of older people get hip replacement surgery, but I feel if I get to the point of needing a new hip, you can take me out of the ball game, coach. When major parts of my body need replacing when I am at an advanced age, I’d rather not. 

She went on to tell me of the whole procedure with her hip. It sounded very painful. She was now getting physical therapy several times a week and that’s where she was headed off to today. 

She was not fond of growing old, but she was going to live as long as she could, “God willing.” She went on to tell me that most of the issues she had were with the right side of her body. I told her most of the issues I was having were with the left side of my body. She said if we could join our bodies together we would be quite a pair! We could make one healthy person and one mess of a person. I laughed. 

I asked her if she was right handed and if her ailments affected that. She took a beat and told me that it wasn’t her right hand that she cared about, it was her right leg. Without it, she could no longer drive, and she loved to drive. 

She sat quietly after that, and we approached the physical therapy place. I got her walker from out of the back and helped her out of the car. She thanked me for the lovely ride. She looked at me and said, “I just wish I could’ve driven hear myself.” I wished the same for her.

She tipped me eight dollars.

The second older woman I picked up was in a trailer home. Her trailer was decorated with Marine emblems and stickers. Semper Fi! 

I was early to this appointment and she popped her head out her screen door and exclaimed, “Oh my God, I wasn’t expecting you for another 10 minutes!” I told her it was OK and there was no rush. I could wait. She asked me if I wanted a cold bottle of water. I thanked her for the offer and declined and she told me she would just be one minute and again, was very sorry. Before I could tell her again that it was ok, she was gone. A minute later, she rushed out. 

She got in the car and was grumbling. She started  talking about the neighborhood and saying when she first moved in here, despite it being a trailer home, it was very nice. That trailer parks have a bad reputation but this had been a very nice one. But over the past few years, it had become real (and she apologized for saying this) “ghetto.” She followed with, “But hey, the truth is the truth and I’m too old to bullshit anymore.” She went on to tell me that the  condition of the neighborhood had severely declined over the past few years, but she couldn’t really afford to move anywhere else and, at least, she owned her home. 

She was off to get a physical, and was not seem elated about it. But it was a necessary annual procedure so she could stay on her meds. I understood that. This was something they did every year to her and every year she hated it. The only meds that she was really worried about was for her asthma and she doubted the physical would tell them anything different than last year. 

She hated all the paperwork she had to fill out over and over again with every appointment, asking all those questions. No, she didn’t do drugs, or smoke or anything, but yes, she did drink. She was always annoyed when they asked her that. 

Of course she drank! She didn’t trust anyone who didn’t drink. And with Thanksgiving coming up and the 49ers playing, she was going to make sure she got her drink on, and anyone who didn’t while watching football on Thanksgiving wasn’t an American! 

The song “Islands in the Stream”came on, and her tone shifted. She brightened up. She loved Dolly Parton and Dolly was going to be performing at halftime during the Thanksgiving day game! Now THAT was what America was about! 

The year before she had taken her granddaughter to Dollywood for her Sweet 16 birthday. She did this because her granddaughter was also a huge Dolly Parton fan. But who wasn’t?!? She said her other granddaughter was turning 16 next year, and if her mother did not take her, she was definitely going to take her to Kentucky. To her, Dolly was the perfect human being. I didn’t disagree with her. 

It was a short ride to her appointment and she thanked me for the conversation. She got out seeming much happier, and I wished her luck on her physical. She smiled at me as if to say she had this and after she filled out all that paperwork, she would go home and have a beer… like any good American.

She tipped me seven dollars, which was great considering she had such a short ride.

The third ride I will share with you from the day was an elderly couple that I picked up from a clinic where the husband had just gotten his eyes dilated. They were a very nice couple. She was very energetic. She loved to talk and I was willing to listen. Her husband, for the most part, just sat there, but he did not seem perturbed by his wife’s energy. 

She told me she had been an elementary teacher, kindergarten specifically, for over 30 years and loved the job. She had never missed a day of work and always relished waking up every morning and going to work with her 57 kids. 

She told me that women only really had two jobs in her day. They were either teachers or nurses, and she was happy to be a teacher. I did not really want to tell her about the state of teachers today, but would rather have her enjoy her memories of a better time for educators. 

She talked about how the parents would come in to meet with teachers and ask what they needed to do for their kids and how they could help. She said many of those parents became friends because they would always see each other at these meetings. They would always volunteer to help with any events the school was having, always eager to help the teachers and the school to make their kids better human beings. 

She shared with me how her and her husband had four grown children. The first three were boys, born one after the other, and when they were having their fourth child, she told her husband that she hoped it would be a girl. It would be OK if it was a boy, but she really wanted a girl. It was a girl, and she was elated. 

She then complimented my car. She said I kept it very clean and it was a very nice car. She asked me how old it was and was impressed it was on such good shape after that many years. She asked me what kind of car it was, and I told her it was a Honda. She asked her husband if they had ever had a Honda, and he told her that they had had many Hondas over the years. “It was a good brand”, he told her. 

She seemed physically, healthy and sprightly as opposed to him. He had obvious physical ailments as he walked with a cane and moved very slowly.

As we drove along, I did notice she seemed to have one issue that I was familiar with. She was having memory problems as she would repeat  herself over and over. 

She told me several times over the course of ride how she was impressed how my car was in such good shape and how I kept it so clean. She thanked me for the ride on several occasions, to which I always replied “My pleasure.” 

And she told me about her teaching job, how she had never missed a day, and how great the parents were, and how she loved the 57 students she had multiple times. She was very proud of her years as a teacher and how good the parents were and her perfect attendance record as well as loving getting up every morning to go to work. 

She told me again about her children, three boys and one girl. And how she really wanted the fourth to be a girl. 

Looking in the rearview mirror, I could see her husband, holding her hand and smiling. I could see the warmth he felt for her even underneath the dark glasses he was wearing. 

I felt he was the one with the strong mental acuity that would be enough for both of them.He seemed to acknowledge that she was repeating herself over and over, but showed no sign of frustration. As he was there for her in that way, she was there to help him through his physical difficulties. 

I pulled up to their house, and she once again thanked me for driving them, to which I replied, “my pleasure.” She once again a told me it was great how I kept my car clean and in good shape, and that I was a very lovely young man. 

Her husband also thanked me for the ride. He looked my direction as he got out and smiled and nodded his head, as if to say thank you for listening. I smiled back and watched them walk into the house together, arm in arm. 

It made me a little weepy to see them together like that… a perfect match.

They tipped me $11 for a short ride.

I don’t know what it was about those three rides that made me think of my own mortality. The first woman made me think how I don’t want to be in a position in my life where I can’t do the things I enjoy, like driving. But she was a fighter and would go to rehab and do what she could. I know do not have that strength. 

The second woman was so full of piss and vinegar, and that impressed me. Although she started by grumbled about things, she still found good around her. She had talked about the good neighbors in the trailer park and how no one had any control over the vagrants that were coming in and trashing the place. How she had lit up at the prospect of taking her other granddaughter to Dollywood after having taken one before she had plans. And how she was going to drink, damn the questionnaire! She was going to enjoy her life. I was envious of her enthusiasm and vigor at her age.

The third ride, the couple, made me think of love. They had obviously been married a long time. They had gone through a lot. She talked about her early teaching days and it made me think this must have been the 60’s or 70’s, at best, when women only really had two jobs they could do and she loved the job she had. She wouldn’t have wanted to be a nurse and being a teacher had been everything to her along with her family. 

As she was in a stage in her life where she was losing her mental faculties, her husband was there by her side. Just as she was by his side as he was losing his physical capabilities. 

I was envious of their connection. I would hope everyone I know could find that kind of connection before the end of their lives, someone who they could be with that complemented and supported them, and who would be with them at the end.

56. This is some life…

What story from the night to share with you?

How about the woman I picked up from her colonoscopy and told me she had just had food poisoning two days before… then commented how she had such a shitty week, full pun intended…?

Or the two men I picked up from the resort who were comparing with each other how they were raising their kids? How they gave their 9 year olds a five dollar a week allowance if they did their chores (that was the allowance I got when I was 9 years old! what about adjusting for inflation?). One said he had his kids give away their old toys every year to the church for underprivileged kids and the other talked about how he taught his daughter to tithe…

How about the two guys in leather and denim with the facial tattoos who crammed into my back seat with motorcycle gear and the one guy kept talking about going to see Ministry, while the other guy said nothing, seemingly annoyed by the talker… and I dropped them off where they had left their motorcycles… and the one guy kept talking while the other one kept looking annoyed?

How about I share with you about thr young lady I picked up in apartment complex. 

She was dressed in a short skirt and a cropped top with her midriff showing. Since it was in the 40s and 3am, I figured she must be cold and so I turned up the heat. 

She got into my vehicle and complimented me on how clean it was.  The last place she had been at was so dirty. That guy was a pig and his apartment was filthy. 

She asked me if she could take a puff from her vape, and I told her just to roll down the window and it would be all right. She looked exhausted. She took a couple puffs, then rolled up the window and slipped back into the seat and said “what a night it’s been“. 

I didn’t ask her for any details, just noted that she looked tired. She made another comment under her breath… “this is some life,” and then lay down in the backseat. 

Her destination was another apartment complex. I pulled in and she sat up. She didn’t seem to know for certain where we were going. Then we saw a man come out of the complex and wave us over. She told me she would get out where we were at, and thanked me for the ride. I watched her walk over to the man and then disappear into the complex.

I don’t know if this was her final destination for the night, but I hope she gets some rest. This is some life indeed. 

55. Smart phone savvy senior

My first ride of the day was an elderly woman in her 60s or 70s. She sent me a text via the app describing her appearance and exactly where she would be. Sure enough, she matched her appearance as described in her text and was at the exact location she said. My kind of passenger.

She got in the car and was very pleasant, thanking me for picking her up and giving her a ride. As we drove off, she talked about the marvels of technology and how happy she was to be able to get a ride so quickly. She so loved rideshare, much more than taxis. 

She started to say how she was not crazy about cell phones though. And I thought, “Ah, yes, an older person who does not like technology.”

She added that it was mainly because she did not want to talk on the telephone, but she loved them for the purpose of texting. She was baffled about people who used them as phones, especially people who were walking on the street with their pets and their kids. She never answered the phone and if people wanted to get in contact with her they should text her!

She reminisced about the days when you didn’t have a phone outside the house and if people called you, they had to leave a message and you wouldn’t know who called until you got home. There were positives and negatives in this, but she said she never liked answering the phone back then.

She thought that the cell phone was convenient for people who might have missed appointments or needed rides or so forth. If people had kids that needed to be picked up and they were at work… that kind of thing.

As I stopped to let some kids cross, she did say that one big problem was how no one looked up from their phones. Not even to cross a street. And these kids proved her point as none of them looked up or even seemed aware that I might have run them over. 

She then went on to talk about the positives and negatives of social media. She had a Facebook account only accessed it every couple of months to see how people were doing. She found it very toxic to get on it every day. She would never join Twitter or X. From the stories she heard, it was not a happy place.

But she went on to tell me how much she truly loved her smart phone. With it, she could find where her favorite stores were and when they were open. She could open an app and find out what the weather was going to be like and dress accordingly because the weather people on TV were always wrong. Her phone had apps on it that could figure out tips she needed to leave at restaurants, that could allow her to order food that would be delivered to her doorstep, and even find sports scores, as she was a huge baseball fan. She did add on to this final comment that she was not happy to see the scores during the World Series, as her Diamondbacks really screwed the pooch. 

I am going to sound like an agist in saying this, but I was truly amazed at how this older woman embraced technology to do everything she needed it to do and handled it all with aplomb. 

I’m sure she knew how to handle a smart phone much better than me. 

54. Dancing in the Dark

Which ride to share tonight…

The grumpy older gentleman who told me about his “nosy, neighbor b****h“ always getting up in his business when he called a ride share and how he used to drive rideshare, but before all the “ridiculousness”, and since they took away all of the cool perks and benefits of ride sharing because “stupid masking” and never brought them back when it was over, he thougg it wasn’t worth it to drive these“snot nosed, college punks“ around without any bonuses, so he quit… 

Or the  two gentlemen I picked up from a comic store, who I thought I might have a lot in common with, but after they got into my vehicle and started grumbling about the employees of the store about how they didn’t know anything because  the Snyder movies were the best, better than anything Gunn had done, and so that was where I decided not to converse with these two, because I believe Snyderbots are as bad as MAGAts…

I think I will share the ride of the young lady I picked up from the country/western drinking establishment who was in tears as she got into the back of my vehicle. 

I greeted her with my customary “Hello” and instinctively asked, “How are you?” to which she aptly responded, “How do you think I am?”

I apologized and noter that it  obviously it had not been a good night. She told me it had been a terrible night. It had been a terrible week! She now hated Halloween! 

I decided the better part of decorum would be to remain quiet. She felt otherwise. She was quick to talk and told me that her boyfriend was in the club, dancing all night long… with every other girl, but not her. 

She did not know why… and so, she confronted him on it. He said he was just having fun. He told her that she knew it had been a hard week for him. But it had been a hard week for her, too, she told me.

She didn’t understand why he was being that way. They had come out tonight because it has been a hard week for both of them and they wanted to cut loose and dance. She wanted to have fun with him, but he seemed to want to dance with everyone else but her. 

He told her she didn’t understand. She told him that she didn’t and asked him to explain it to her. He told her if she loved him, she should understand. She’s always saying she loves him but doesn’t seem to ever understand what he is going through. 

This almost caused her to break down. She had been trying to be understanding about everything, especially after what happened over the weekend, but he just seemed to be ignoring her all night. 

And now that she was asking him about it, he was laying the blame on her. He had been having fun dancing with other girls all night, while she had been waiting at the bar for him to ask her to dance. She was not having fun, and so she felt she should ask him about it. He told her she could’ve come out to the dance floor at any time and joined them. Why did he have to ask her? 

She told me that they had had a fight the previous weekend, which was Halloween weekend, at a frat party. He had spent all his time at this party talking to this girl she didn’t like who was dressed as a slut. And he was completely ignoring her, his girlfriend. 

When she confronted him about it, he said they were just talking and she should relax. She stormed off and was looking to leave and asked a friend to go with her. Her friend said he was just drunk and not to let it get to her. She told her that she needed to “relax” or she was going to scare him off. 

She apologized to him the next day, feeling that maybe she had been too needy. He told her that she was becoming possessive and she shouldn’t because she was his girlfriend and she needed to trust that. She told me that she apologized for how she acted as well she said. 

She said she was trying not to be possessive tonight, but after three hours of it, she had had enough. She was hurt. She told him that he was acting just like her ex did.

He always hung out with other girls and she found out she was fucking a bunch of other girls. He told her that he was astounded she would compare him to her ex. He had never cheated on any girl ever. And he walked away from her and was pissed off. 

She started crying and went to talk to her friend about it. Her friend told her that she really needed to stop clinging on to him hard and let him have his space. When she told her friend that he was acting just like her ex, her friend said “Well, maybe that’s why he’s your ex. Do you want that to happen again?”

At that point, she said she walked away from her friend and called for me. 

When I pulled up, she was already waiting outside alone. It was relatively early for college kids to be calling it a night on a Thursday, but obviously, she was done. 

After she told me her story, I really didn’t know what to say to her. And so it thought it best that I say nothing. She started to calm down a bit, and asked me if she thought I she should apologize to him. I felt like I was walking on thin ice on saying anything. What the hell did I know? I told her it sounded like he was the one who hurt her, but turned it around to the point where she was the one that heard him. 

She told me that the friend who told her to give him space tonight was the same friend who told her to apologize last weekend. 

I said, “I think you need to do what you feel is right for you.” I have come to realize that I don’t have answers for these kinds of situations anymore. Especially when I don’t know both sides of the story. 

In my stupidity, I asked if she thought apologizing would help and if she loved him enough to forgive him. She said she loved him. And, I thought, that should be enough, right? If she loved him, she should except him for everything he is, right? Isn’t that what loving someone is? I did not say ANY of that out loud. I was not looking to put a match to that gas can.

The young lady was obviously upset. It did not seem her friend was much comfort to her. I doubted I could be. I hoped she might find the answers herself, or maybe had another friend she could confide in. I was not a therapist, by any means. But I felt bad that I was no help to her.

I dropped her off at her dorm, and she thanked me for listening. I don’t know if I was any help or if I made matters worse. I did not want to be the cause of her breaking up… or her staying together. I was hoping she would find her own answers to that dilemma. Maybe the boyfriend would realize he had hurt her. Maybe he wouldn’t and she wouldn’t take it. Maybe the sun will rise and everything will be forgiven and forgotten. She just seemed like a powered keg ready to explode and I felt for her.

You can’t light a fire without a spark…